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MINDSET MOM MOMENTS: "Let’s Talk About E.Q." | Keto Mom

Keto Mom here!

    When something happens, you're going to either do one of two things. You're going to react or you're going to respond. Reaction comes out of anger, and frustration. And at that moment you don't think about it, but instead, you react with hurtful words, and you don't collect the facts. But if you can just be aware in any situation, then it could be a really good E.Q. moment. You take a step back for five seconds, and you say "I'm not going to react". Instead, you figure out what's going on, and respond when it's appropriate. 

Points to Ponder:

02:24 Mindset Morning

03:07 An Overview

04:38 Everybody Has Their Own Belief

05:50 E.Q. Stands For Your Emotional Quotient

06:52 How Well Do You Handle Your Emotions

07:15 Collect All The Facts

08:36 Easier To Send A Message, Not Face to Face

10:07 Ask Questions and Ask Permission

11:11 I'm A Reactor

12:01 React or Respond

13:12 Teach Your Children E.Q.

13:44 Emotional Eating

15:29 People Eat Their Emotions

16:29 Have an Awareness of E.Q.

17:24 Take a Deep Breath

18:58 I Can Only Control Myself

Full Episode Transcript:

Good morning! Welcome to the Keto Mom page. My name is Stephanie, and we're going to dive into mindset. The book that we are going to start, I'll give you a little bit of time to order it. And then just a thought for today. So as you're tuning in, where are you tuning in from? I know I'm super late this morning, I'm super sorry. I wanted to shower and I got chatting all morning, so I am late. Please forgive me because I'm always saying I'll be on by 7:30, but today I'm really late. I am showered though, which for those stay-at-home moms, you know I'm already winning the day.

Today is Mindset Mom Moments

So I'm tune tuning in from Minnesota. We took our kids camping this weekend up north, we're in southern Minnesota. So we took our kids camping in a camper. Sometimes I say camping and I know it sounds like I'm roughing it, but it was a wonderful camper. Actually, Carmen usually is on here, we went and stayed with some of our friend's parents, and it was so much fun. Our kids played on these huge hay bales, my kids want to live on a farm. They had cows, they fed a baby cow, they got to feed big cows, they got to run all on this huge tower of hay bales and they had so much fun. We had an incredible, very peaceful weekend. So I hope you did as well... Today, I really want to give you a concept or an idea or share something with you that changed my life forever. It was something that I had no idea existed at all.

And so really quick, this is the book that had the most votes. It's called "Chasing Daylight" by Erwin McManus.

If you're brand new here, you can tune into the page every single day and we will share recipes, tips, and tricks with you, or anything that has to do with keto or low carb. If you've got questions, you can always reach out to me and I will answer them. I'll work with you on your goals and give you suggestions. So that's always on the page, you can go to ketomomsecrets, and that has a whole area of recipes. And every morning, we do something called "Mindset Morning". We've probably read five or six books, and we're going to give you just different things to think about. Now, we started this book "Think and Grow Rich", but I was not feeling it and it's the first time we've not finished a book. Is it a good book? 100%! If you have it, continue reading it, but we're not going to keep doing that book. We're switching it, and this is the book that got the most votes.

It's called "Chasing Daylight" by Erwin McManus. He's a pastor, and it is an incredible book. I'll read to you what's written on the back of it. And I really want to give you a thought or a concept that changed my life forever.

And so really quick let me read the back of the book for you... "This book called Chasing daylight is a call to live a life of blazing urgency. We have but one life, we have been given one opportunity to pursue our dreams and fulfill our divine purpose. Every moment counts, and we must engage them with fierceness and zeal. Put an end to passion to passive observation, paralyzed by the need for perfection and the perfect opportunity. And start seizing the raw untapped potential of your life with God. Are you willing to risk failure? Are you ready to get in the game? You may stumble, but you will find yourself falling forward propelling towards the God-inspired adventure he intended you to live"...

So this is the book we're going to go through, and here's the deal. If you don't grab the book, I will still give you the highlights of the chapters. I'll give you the key talking and thinking points as we work through it. If you have the book, you can follow along.

If you want to grab it, you can go to Barnes and Noble. You can even look him up on Instagram, I don't know if he has his own bookstore. But he is great and awesome. He's a pastor in L.A., he has incredible books, which are super thought-provoking. And so I'm just going to preframe, he does talk about God. Here's the deal, everybody's different, and everybody has their own belief. So some people would say "No! It's not what I believe", or "Yes, that's what I believe"... and I'm just letting you know. But it's an incredible book, and I'm excited to go through it with you. So with that, I think that we should start on, let me think for a second... Do you think people can get them in a week? Would it be too soon to start Friday? We'll see, so get the book! It's going to take a little bit of time to order it. So maybe we'll start next Monday, and I'm just going to give you key points to think about in general for your life, every morning for this week.

Today, I'm going to share something with you that completely changed the way that I react or respond in any situation.
Are you aware what you're Emotional Quotient is?

All right! Let me ask you a question. Are you familiar with the term I.Q.? Most of you are, what's your IQ? I don't know what my IQ is. I don't know if anybody really knows unless you take a test, but it measures how smart and intelligent you are... But did you know there is a similar concept that's called E.Q., and there's one that's called A.Q.? Some people say S.Q...

So E.Q. stands for your emotional quotient. Not your intelligence, but your emotions, like how well do you handle your emotions?

One is A.Q. or your adaptability, and one would even say S.Q. which is your spiritual quotient... So today, I'm going to talk to you really quick about E.Q. When I was taught this, it changed the way that I talk to people, to my kids, how I managed business, like everything. The concept of E.Q. was incredible, and I remember the moment when I had no idea what it was.

By the way, the book that we're going to do in a little bit has nothing to do with E.Q., I'll post a picture of the book and put it in the stories. Alright! So you have your I.Q., and here's my question to you... E.Q. stands for emotional quotient, how well do you handle your emotions in any situation?... I would say right now, what do your emotions cause you to do? Probably six years ago, and this was a business conversation, I was an overreactor. I was in a situation where I didn't collect all the facts. Have you ever done that? Like a kid is screaming, maybe you're at the office, or something happens, and you're only listening to one side. In your head, you think you know what's going on, but you actually didn't collect the facts.

So I didn't collect the facts of a specific situation, I texted our CEO, and I was pretty rude. I was mad about a situation, and so within that moment, he called me. The phone was ringing, and I was like I'm not going to answer this. I'm going to get in trouble because I was sassy with my mouth.
I knew I was in trouble for being sassy, and rude

So I checked the phone across the couch, I remember us folding laundry in our bedroom. I passed the phone to my husband and asked him to answer the phone. He chucked it back to me, and he said "No! You were the one that was rude, You answer it". And we probably lobbied the phone across the bed eight times before I was answered, "Hello". Our CEO said, "Stephanie, I got your text"... I'm going to be real with you right now. It's easier to send somebody a text message, it's easier to comment on that you don't like me. Like let's say you decided you didn't like the book I was going through, you were mad that I was talking about God on a Keto page, or let's say that you didn't like what I said.

It's easier for you to send me a private message, or type something below that can be hurtful or mean because you're not face to face with me. So the same, it was easy for me to send our CEO a text message because I wasn't face to face with him...

And when you get on the phone with somebody or say I send you a voice message, I've done this before and people can be really hurtful. I've had some incredibly hurtful things sent to me for years. Because when you're on social media, you're putting your life out there, which means not everybody will like you. There have been times where I've just blocked people, and I don't want to deal with them. They can just get off my page. There have been times where I send people personal messages, I said "Hey, I saw your comment", "I saw the message", or I'll leave them a voice message like "Wow, that was really hurtful. I'd love to have a conversation with you if you're open to it". And then nothing, just no response. Because it's easier to send a hurtful message or not collect the facts... I bet you if any of you don't like me right now, you would never have a conversation with me in person that would be hurtful. You might say "Hey, I don't agree with this", but you would never lash out at me in person. Online it's a different story, the same with a text message.

Our CEO asked if I was open to being coached about E.Q.
Anyways, so our CEO said, "Hey! I would love to coach you through something if you're open to it".

This is something that I've learned in business and with our community, and it has been incredible. I've learned to ask questions and ask for permission. I really should be asking permission like, "Are you open to coaching this morning?"...

So my CEO asked, "My question to you is, are you open to learning about something called E.Q.?". I said, "Yes, I'm open to coaching". It was super humbling, I felt terrible and I was apologizing. I said to him, "I overreacted, I shouldn't have sent that text message"... For an hour he coached me on something called E.Q., and I had no idea what that was. Here's what he said, "Stephanie, in any situation in life, you are going to have the opportunity, number one, to either react or respond. We all have a level of E.Q. that we can handle well or not, and you can grow it. Just like your I.Q. or you're intelligence, you've got to work on it. So you've got E.Q., or how well do you handle your emotions"...

And I told him, I've got four babies and I'm in the midst of starting a business. No! I'm a reactor initially, and I grew up that way. I have three sisters and a brother. We're all super close, but I was an emotional roller coaster.

So I said, "Alright, I get it"... He said, "I want you to think about it like this, you've got E.Q., one through ten. And how you react or respond in different situations will show where you're at"... So in that case, I did not have very good E.Q., it was very low. He said, in any situation in life, like with your kids, your marriage, your business, or physically, wherever you're at. When something happens, you're going to either do one of two things. You're going to react or you're going to respond. Reaction comes out of anger, and frustration. And at that moment you don't think about it, but instead, you react with hurtful words, and you don't collect the facts.

It's taking a step back and responding when necessary

Then he said, but if you can just be aware in any situation then it could be a really good E.Q. moment. You take a step back for five seconds, and you say "I'm not going to react", "I don't have to say anything at this moment", "I can think about it", "I can collect the facts". "I can ask questions to all of the parties involved, whether it's my kids, or my spouse or my team". "I don't have to have a solution at that moment". "I don't even have to fix it, I am going to take a step back and respond when it's appropriate". "I'm going to take a breather", "I'm going to think about the entire situation to see who was in the right, and who is in the wrong"...

How am I going to react, or how are my emotions going to drive the situation?... So I want you to think about today. We've used this with our kids, and in our whole life from that moment. We've taught our kids and so we'll say "Check your E.Q.".

We used this in our verbiage for homeschooling, or for everything. I'll go, "Hey! E.Q."... That's all any of us have to say, even our eight-year-old daughter would say "E.Q. mom" when I'm about to blow... I'm going to tie this up with how this could react or respond to your eating. A lot of people have food tied to emotions, and if you react in any situation versus responding, that's where emotional eating comes in. And so I promise I'll wrap it all up in a second. I want you to just be aware, all day long.

How do you handle your emotions in every area? Our emotions rise and fall all day long with different people and in different circumstances. So if you can just get into your head and realize that this is a really good chance for you to step back. "E.Q. Stephanie!, .EQ. Stephanie!". All right! I don't have to react, I can respond. And what am I responding to? I'm going to collect the facts. I might have to take a whole day and figure it out... Our friends do this really well in their marriage. Instead of acting out loud or reacting, they'll say, "Hey, I actually can't act like an adult right now so I'm going to have to go away", or "I'm going to have to take a step back, I want to come back and revisit the situation but I physically cannot respond"...

Teaching by example, and your kids will follow you
You can also do that with your kids, "Hey, you know what? Mommy is not ready to handle this situation. We are going to revisit it, but I have to go figure out how I want to handle it so I don't yell at you". Or with your boss, your employees, or any situation. You can go "You know what? I am not adult enough to handle this. I need to go collect the facts and figure out what happened. And I'm going to come back and respond to you in a little bit"...

I say all of this because a lot of this is tied to food. People eat their emotions if they're sad, angry, frustrated, or if they cannot collect their E.Q. If they can't take a step back, and they're constantly in reaction mode, like "I'm going to react", "I'm mad", "I need the candy bar", "I need the ice cream", "I'm so mad, I'm going to go eat the chocolate"... We use that as an excuse, like reacting - food, reacting - food. But if you can just take a step back and realize that this has nothing to do with food. This has everything to do with you figuring out what's going on, and responding when it's appropriate...

So if all you do today is have the awareness of E.Q. in your mind, that it took one moment in time for me to change. I'm not saying I'm perfect. There were many times when I reacted, to my children mostly and then I have to say sorry... So my hope is that you just have an awareness, like "I have a level of EQ", "This is a situation where I'm not going to react to my kids or my spouse". "The fact that I hit my alarm clock, I'm not going to react to myself or get mad, I'm not going to turn to the donut because I failed this morning. But instead, I'm going to take a step back, breathe, and I'm going to say E.Q. baby". "I'm going to have good E.Q., and I have to coach myself a lot. I'm going to respond when it's appropriate, not with food, but with figuring out what needs to be done, and with the power of my words"...

You can only control yourself, learn to accept that

And so I hope that makes sense, and I hope that I just gave you an awareness. There are books about it called Emotional Intelligence. There are a lot of books on E.Q., and I've read them.

And the major thing that I learned was to take a deep breath.

My kids know that if I'm going to blow, I always am going to take a deep breath. And they'll be like "Oh, maybe we should go upstairs and play for a minute". Yes, you should! And then I have to figure out who's right, who's wrong, what the situation is, and what is the best solution? I can then go and fix it or do whatever I need to do. It is an incredible awareness... I was telling my husband last night, and I'm gonna be real with you. I am a servant at heart, not that I need praise for it. But I feel like I can see something that needs to be done, and I do it.

If I don't do it, I get really frustrated that I didn't obey, like I should have done it. And it happened to me this weekend, I saw something and it was a need. I didn't do it because I was sitting down and I said I'll do it later, and then somebody else did. And I was like "Shame on me", "I should have done that", and "That was rude of me"... I also get really worked up, because I think things should be done a certain way. Not to perfection, but like "Why are you not helping?", "Why are you not doing it this way?", "Why are you serving your kids in a certain way?"... And so I had to learn to accept that I can only control myself. That's something else that you need to know, along with E.Q., you can't control somebody else's emotions.

You can't control how somebody else runs a situation. You have to control yourself, even your children, you can teach them and you can model it. That's the biggest thing, and they will learn from you.
Always remember, Respond or React?

My kids will be like "You check your E.Q.", and I'll be like "You check your E.Q."... But you can't get frustrated at other people because they don't know. It's bringing an awareness to the entire situation. I told my husband "Listen, I'm going to make a list of things that we need to make sure our children learn and have the awareness of, before they leave our home"... It's not math facts, algebra one, or all of the things that kids are learning when I teach them, because we homeschool and it's great.

But there are character traits that they have to learn, and they have to be aware of life. Because let's just be real, a lot of people lack it...

So I am diving into just a different idea of teaching our kids in character form, and I'll share it with you. If you're curious, I'm going to be making a list today of the character traits that they need to learn. What does it mean? What is E.Q.? What is A.Q.? How do you handle yourself? How do you assess a situation and be a servant to others?... And so anyway, I hope you understand E.Q. a little bit better. I hope that you go throughout your day, and be aware of EQ moments. I want you to think about E.Q. in your mind, and all I want you to think about is "Am I going to react or respond? React or respond?...

Reacting is, "I'm going to blow it". Responding is "I'm going to collect the facts, and then I'm going to have a conversation later".

So that's all I've got, I hope you have an incredible day. I'll bring some more tomorrow that I've learned over the last six years, I've learned a ton. I would say the last six years have changed my life completely. In who we are as a family, how I respond to people in general, an awareness of life, and so many different things. So continue to tune in, it will be earlier I promise. I'm sorry that it was so late this morning. I hope you have a great day and thank you for tuning in. Your presence matters, just so you know. When I see you here responding, it really brings joy to me. Your presence matters in any situation and wherever you're at, just know that you matter. I appreciate you, have a great day and we'll talk to you soon.

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